Archive Acknowledgement: Dr. John Paul Webster, Dean of Examinations

Very little goes on at the Archive without the official approval of Dr. Webster. As Dean of Examinations, he represents the highest authority regarding day-to-day operations, second in command only to Admiral Figueroa.

John Paul Webster was born in 1820 in the sovereign country of Britland. A first-generation Anglishman, his parents emigrated from southern Sudan following the increase of hostilities between neighboring Kongo with Zululand, fearing the conflict would soon spill over. Upon reaching Britland, they legally changed their tribal name Wemba to the surname Webster, in hopes of helping their soon-to-be-born son avoid racial prejudice.

As a child, John was extremely bright, often scoring at the top of his class in maths and alchemistry. He also made friends easily, despite his foreign appearance, due to a calm and assured manner and a talent for listening to all sides of a story fairly. By the time he progressed to university, he had already amassed a large circle of colleagues and professional peers.

John attended the Bristol College of Alchemical Education, achieving an unprecedented triple doctorate in a span of only six years. His reputation for excellence in the fields of electro-spirit mitigation, micro-clockwork, and mathematical fundamentalism spread throughout the sovereignty, and he had his pick of employment upon graduation. Dr. Webster soon took a position at the Britland Institute of High Physical Mechanistics, and it was during this time that he developed his most famous theory: the Special Consideration of Molecular Cogwork, which defines the relation between mechanisms and their animus as simultaneous functions of one another.

This and other world-famous works made Dr. Webster the natural choice for Dean of Examinations at the Figueroa Archive; he was hand-picked by Admiral Figueroa himself, who had been an admirer of his work for decades. Thanks to his firm but fair vigilance and keen alchemical understanding, the Archive functions with astounding effectiveness by his direction.

Artifact #4: Six Bookmarks

Archive Register Number: 4

Classification: FH/0.0/B/A2/X

Description: Artifact #4 is a set of six button bookmarks, cast in pewter. Each bookmark features a different filigree on the button, containing an expertly rendered flourish. The set was acquired from an antique shop in a small village in the country of Gallia; the proprietor, M. Philbert Charbonneau, claims to have received them some years ago from a librarian friend.

When used as intended, i.e. to keep one's place in a closed book, the bookmarks have the effect of altering the text of the book forward of where they were left in it. Further, the amount of time the bookmark is left in the volume has a direct effect on the amount of alteration; books left marked for only a few minutes are changed only slightly, books left marked for hours have significantly different alterations, and books left marked for days or weeks are wholly removed from their original content.

Each bookmark has a different method of alteration, tied to the symbol presented on its button. Placing multiple bookmarks in the same book provide differing changes as per the point marked, with marks later in the book altering marks earlier in the book.

Archive analysts have given names to each of the symbols: Bounty, Echo, Wither, Seed, Burning Spark, and Soothe. Careful study of the filigree implies that four of the bookmarks (Bounty, Wither, Seed and Soothe) are from the same set, while the other two appear to be individual bookmarks that were separated from their respective sets. If this is correct, the Archive is naturally quite interested in acquiring the missing bookmarks from the other sets.

Examination #1: Six copies of Lady Creighton's Rectory, a 260 page romance novel by Thomas Nooncaster that tells a tale of a noblewoman who falls in love with an unavailable village parson, were acquired from the book's printer. Each copy was opened to page 189 and one of the bookmarks was laid there. The books were closed and left unattended for five days, at which time the bookmarks were removed and the stories examined for differences.

- Original ending: After a number of false starts to their relationship, leading to several liaisons and misunderstandings, Lady Creighton eventually resolves herself to the fact that, as a noblewoman, she has certain responsibilities above her desires; Pastor Gabbert, as well, decides to live the remainder of his life in penance for breaking his vow of chastity, and leaves the village for a monastery in the faraway Kalmar Union.

- Bounty bookmark: At a key point in the story, Pastor Gabbert receives a letter informing him that he has inherited a large sum of funds from a distant relative, who was himself a member of a noble family. Realizing his fate is with Lady Creighton, the two are wed in an elaborate ceremony, moving afterward to a castle in Northern Britland.

- Echo bookmark: Lady Crieghton begins to hear voices mocking her, but no one is there. She looks into the history of the rectory and finds it was built on a series of catacombs, where restless spirits of unrequited lovers reside. Since she did not have the mental discipline of the pastors, she realizes she had fallen to their wicked influence, and decides to join a nunnery.

- Wither bookmark: Eventually Lady Creighton's impropriety catches up with her publicly, and she is shunned by both noble society and Pastor Gabbert (who does so to save his career). In a series of vignettes following, the reader is shown Lady Creighton's descent over the next decades, ending in her death from malnutrition as a penniless street dweller.

- Seed bookmark: Lady Creighton becomes pregnant with Pastor Gabbert's child out of wedlock. Both are ejected from their respective circles, and journey to Hispania together to begin a new life rasiing their beaufitul son, where they are both much happier.

- Burning Spark bookmark: The novel rapidly descends into outright pornography, with pages and pages of graphically detailed acts of sin and debauchery. No resolution to the original plot occurs.

- Soothe bookmark: Eventually it is revealed why Pastor Gabbert will not return Lady Creighton's affections: not because he has sworn an oath of celibacy, but because he possesses powers of touch that he must always keep in check. Lady Creighton impulsively kisses him, and the remainder of the book describes a trance-like waking dream from her perspective.

Examination #2: Three copies of The Windfalls of Barnabas Lauckner, a 912 page picaresque novel by Washington Thuney that chronicles the adventures of a rougish tweeny who ascends through the social order, were acquired from the book's printer. Each copy was opened to page 232 and one of the bookmarks was laid there, then opened to page 751 and another bookmark laid there. The books were closed and left unattended for five days, at which time the bookmarks were removed and the stories examined for differences.

- Original ending: Navigating deftly through the working order of a mansion, the wry-witted Barnabas Lauckner goes from basement lackey to trusted family adviser by virtue of misdirection, playing various characters against one another. His main rival is the butler Jasper, a sniveling and uptight old man of tradition, while his confidant is Vivian, a slim, doe-eyed young chambermaid with a penchant for clockwork tinkering.

- Wither/Seed combination: Barnabas takes a turn for the worse when one of his machinations is uncovered by Jasper, who reports him to the master of the house. Barnabas is ejected and spends years as a pauper, betrayed by his own cunning and trusted by no one. At the low point of his life, he takes a job shaking down money from prostitutes; through this he meets Jessamine, the Strumpet with a Heart of Gold. By the end of the novel they have escaped the underworld together, traveling to Germania and starting a large family.

- Burning Spark/Bounty combination: In the midst of Barnabas's ascent to power, the master's only son and heir is kidnapped for a king's ransom. Barnabas seizes the opportunity to prove his worth, using his massive intelligence and powers of observation to find the kidnappers and plan a rescue operation. Barnabas and Vivian join forces, storming the criminal compound with vibromite-powered rapid-fire projectile launchers of Vivian's making. Returning with the master's son unharmed, Barnabas is repaid greatly, purchasing his own house in the countryside with the reward money and marrying Vivian. This version has since become incredibly popular among Archive staff, who generally laud it to be far superior to the original text.

- Soothe/Echo combination: A mystery surrounds the mansion; strange visions come to Barnabas in the night, where he finds himself in a world of hallways and doors. He discusses his dreams with Vivian, who confesses similar hallucinations. The two investigate the house's family lineage, discovering them to be descended from a clan of wizards. Vivian constructs a small lockpicking device, with which Barnabas finds a hidden room containing vast books of magic knowledge. His inability to wield the arcane powers properly, however, releases vicious demons from the spirit realm. All are driven mad but Jasper, whose bitter smirk on the final page speaks volumes.

Artifact #3: The Shriek Koala

Archive Register Number: 3

Classification: D/0.1/A/A1/A

Description: Artifact #3 is a specimen of koala, binomial name Phascolarctos cacophonius, which was found living in the eastern wild of the continent of Nova Germania. Strongly resembling its closest relative, Phascolarctos cinerus, it was not discovered to be a separate species until the expansion of Nether Germanians into the region in the 1860s.

Physically and behaviorally, P. cacophonius is nearly indistinguishable from P. cinerus, sharing dietary, mating, and sleeping habits with its sister species. The prevailing difference in P. cacophonius is displayed when it is gravely threatened. If the stress level of the animal is raised above a certain threshold, it will open its mouth and emit an incredibly piercing scream. This sound has been measured by audiometric equipment to be upwards of 175 decibels, causing immediate, excruciating pain to any animals in range, as well as extreme nausea, vomiting, acute headache, and psychological trauma. Prolonged exposure to the sound can physically damage an animal's internal organs, musculature, and nervous system.

Once the screaming has begun, the koala will sustain it for an average of three to five hours using a cyclical breathing technique; slow-reel kinematographic recordings of the specimen have revealed that it can persist as long as fourteen hours under extremely stressful conditions.

Naturally, obtaining the animal was problematic. Vibromite-powered robots were not able to come near the animal, as its screeching shattered their kinetic crystals. A method was devised by the Archive's resident audiometrist Dr. Bassam Shakeel, using an intricate lattice of lenkium rods to craft an attenuation cage. The carrier was handled by vintage clockwork robots until the animal was captured, after which its scream could only reach a mere 115 decibels. From this point it was handled by both standard robots and humans wearing wax earplugs until it was received at the Archive's zoological annex.

No other specimens of P. cacophonius have been reported in Nova Germania as of this writing.

Listen: 20 sec. audiometric recording of P. cacophonius

Artifact #2: The Green Man of Wiltshire

Archive Register Number: 2

Classification: FH/1.1/BA/T/A

Description: Artifact #2 is a sweet chestnut tree (species Castanea sativa) measuring around 50 feet tall. The tree was originally located in a glade about 10 miles from Ringstone in Wiltshire County, Britland. Coordinators from the Figueroa Archive, in cooperation with the Britland Sovreignity and local tree surgeons, were able to transplant the tree to a wooded location near Archive Headquarters in Chiliguay, where it is tended by expert foresters daily.

About a third of the way up the trunk of the tree, the bark forms a distinctive human face, resembling an aged man with long hair and beard that flows fluidly into the bark pattern of the trunk. The face of the tree is dormant by default, resembling a wood carving.

Consuming chestnuts from the tree has been reported to allow the consumer to interact with the face. Subjects report initially experiencing symptoms of vertigo and slight fever, which pass quickly into a semi-euphoric state described as a slight buzzing in the forehead. After this, the eater of the chestnut can converse with the face, who calls himself Jack.

Jack claims to be an ancient fertility deity whom has lived in one form or another since the dawn of life on our planet. He brags openly about his divine abilities, which he claims include bringing snowfall; making the other trees of the forest speak at his whim; killing any man who offends him instantly; and fertilizing females of various species, both plant-based and animal. He is also quite lewd, using rather stark language when speaking. This usually has the unfortunate effects of embarrassing any male subjects, and titillating female ones.

Jack is reported to have a canny and devious nature. He often misleads those he converses with, sending them on wild goose chases through the forest with the promise of further information. He is not always so manipulative, however, and has been known to take a shining to certain individuals; most notably, he has struck a friendship with groundskeeper Ortwin Gerste, whose unsurpassed ability to imbibe alcohol greatly impresses him.

Though the Archive has acquired Artifact #2 with the blessing of the Britland Sovreignity, a number of formal complaints have been lodged by the Ancient Order of Druids towards that government, and several members of the fraternity have gone so far as to issue death threats at specific officials. To date, no violent repercussions have come of these correspondences.

Archive Acknowledgement: Admiral Nathan G. Figueroa

As the man whose foresight is directly responsible for the formation of the Archive, as well as for whom it is named, Admiral Figueroa is the natural first choice for our "staff salute" section of the Register.

Nathan Granville Figueroa was born in Montuncion, Chiliguay on July 13, 1802, during the height of the First Philabrazillian War. His father, Luther Figueroa, was conscripted into the 17th Chiliguayan Formation Column only six weeks after Nathan was born, and was killed in the line of duty a mere five weeks later. Nathan was raised by his mother, Lorena Silvernail-Figueroa, until the age of twelve. Lorena died of an acute case of incubal yowling hack in October of 1814, leaving Figueroa an orphan.

He was admitted to the Morgan Herschaft Boarding School For Turbulent Strays, a private academy founded by the world famous sugar muffin magnate. Following six brutal years of corporal punishment, bushcraft and mandatory religious studies, Figueroa graduated as salutatorian. He proceeded to the Chiliguayan Armed Corps Academy, becoming a midshipman in the 9th Chiliguayan Sea Armada and serving aboard the littoral ironclad Matanza in 1824, under Captain Cristobal Acosta.

Figueroa progressed up the ranks dutifully and with little fanfare, making Lieutenant Commander by the time the Second Philabrazillian War broke out in 1831. It was during the initial assault by Philabrazillian naval forces that Figueroa became the famous war hero known around the globe today. Determined to gain back what they had lost in their decisive defeat at Rio Sao in 1805, agreed by most scholars to mark the official end of the First Philabrazillian War, the Philabrazillian naval sedan Muerte Súbita came equipped with a cannon that could seemingly project charged fibronium cannonballs, which had a devastating effect on the Chiliguayan armada. With half its crew dead and no superior officers above him, Figueroa set the Matanza on a suicide run for the Muerte Súbita, capsizing both ships in the resulting collision, but ultimately saving the armada by destroying the prototype weapon aboard.

Exonerated for his bravery and decisive tactics after he was rescued, Figueroa was granted a battlefield commission of Captain and given command the high-speed corvette Zephyr, equipped with the detachable bathycylinder Escurra. Figueroa and his men scoured the coastal floor for the remains of the Muerte Súbita for weeks, determined to retrieve the cannon from the wreckage. Their efforts would be in vain; the Philabrazillian naval forces had constructed a second prototype aboard the Hijo Híbrido, and ambushed the Chiliguayan armada while they were performing training exercises ten miles off the coast of San Santa.

Pushing the Zephyr to the very limits of its quickness, Figueroa joined the battle in the eleventh hour. While the Zephyr maneuvered deftly around the Hijo Híbrido, drawing its fire as it pitifully attempted to target the faster yet weaker ship, Figueroa sent a squadron out on the Escurra to cripple the ship's engines from underneath. The plan worked brilliantly, and the Hijo Híbrido was towed back to Chiliguay in disgrace.

Extensive study of the ship's main weapon revealed it to contain a type of hardware never before seen, one which utilized transmutation in its firing mechanism to change normal leaded cannonballs to fibronium. Not even the top alchemical metallurgists from Chiliguay could explain how the device functioned. Realizing that his country was facing a graver threat than anticipated, Figueroa pushed for military strikes deep into Philabrazillia to locate and capture the manufacturing technology responsible for such a destructive weapon. Unable to create a third prototype fast enough, Philabrazillia fell once again by 1832.

With the discovery that the Philabrazillians' work was derived from technology that appeared to be extradimensional in nature, Figueroa realized that the threat to not only his home country, but humanity itself, was too large to allow to run unchecked. He pressed both the Chiliguayan and Philabrazillian governments to pursue a more global role, less oriented in military might than scientific exploration, and within five years the first international summit on anomalous artifacts was held, bringing experts from the exotic faraways of Wamatu, the Grand Tsardom of Muscovy, the Kalmar Union and the Roman Empire. These talks were the first steps toward forming what would one day be known as the Figueroa Archive, an institute of alchemical study with branches in many countries, an employing field experts from all over the world of Lutum.

Artifact #1: Bobog'tch! The Variable-State Sensorium Game For Children

Archive Register Number: 1

Classification: FH/0.0/AB/A2/X

Description: Artifact #1 is a cardboard box labeled "Bobog'tch! The Variable-State Sensorium Game For Children". This box was acquired from an estate sale in northern Mexica for 6400 Chiliguayan guaraní. The box contains the following items:

 - one (1) eight-by-eight game board, square with rounded edges, with indented squares and covered in dark teal felt
 - one (1) small wooden box containing sixty-four (64) identical glass googly eyes
 - one (1) instruction manual

A brief perusal of the manual reveals an unusually complex number and layout of rules. In the briefest possible summation, the game is played by two players; each takes turns placing one of the googly eye pieces on a board square, attempting with each move to make the eyes watch those of ones opponent. Extreme care as to the position of the inner "pupil" is vital; a slight misalignment of the angle and/or proximity to the edge of the piece will open up moves for the other side.

If both players are not careful to keep their eyes on the board at all times, their pieces may go through "artificial mitosis", in which one googly-eye will spontaneously separate into two to four smaller eyes of approximately one-quarter the size. The method by which this separation occurs is not know, as it only happens when neither player is observing it. Tests run with kinematographs recording the gaming session resulted in a retaining of the original eyes, functionally equivalent to a stalemate in game terms.

At the point where multiple smaller eyes from opposite players have begun to inhabit the board, these eyes will begin to "eat" each other. The game at this stage partially plays itself, based on a Turing-like automatic process set up by the initial moves, but again only when the players are not looking. Game play is over when one player's googly eyes are consumed. At this point the losing player's own eyes are "eaten" as well, leaving only blackened sockets in their face; however, they do not lose their sight, and tests on losing players indicate that they retain the same grade of vision as they had with eyeballs present.

After the completion of the game, the remaining played eyes are to be returned to the wooden box and the entire game returned to its original packaging. Opening the cardboard box again after this reveals the original sixty-four large-scale eyes.

The manual also helpfully informs that the game's name is pronounced "bow-bahg-chuh," with an accent on the second syllable. It also strongly advises, with a notably more severe tone than the rest of the instructions, against swallowing any game pieces.